My Story – 2( Emotional Turmoil)

…From the very first day itself it was a torture.

Note- I had a very troubled adolescence( found out majority of the people suffer the same ; reason -they don’t know where & how to express themselves)Photo-0200_e1

At that time neither my parents  nor  was I happy with myself. Each day was a struggle. I was only able to figure out i was not an engineer material but what i wanted to be was still a suspense. The worst part was i had distanced myself from my parents so far that a healthy conversation regarding my career or anything was something i could hardly dream of.
This coming of age was a gruesome experience where I started feeling that my parents were pressurizing me to do something according to the paradigm prevalent at that time & they just didn’t care for me anymore (Both the misconceptions were later proved to be false).

Half-yearly exams came I passed in every subject except PHYSICS, CHEMISTRY & MATHEMATICS (MY CORE SUBJECTS). 11th final exams came & the same result followed. And with each exam I shifted to another level of solitude, extremely aggressive deep inside.

In the beginning of class 12th another twist took place in my life. I fell in love with a girl; we both were young, mad & creating ourselves but in the meantime I became too much dependent on her because at that time I didn’t had the courage to face the challenges alone & she seemed to me as some kind of angel who would rescue & guide me. My sisters were very small at that time & i had never taken any emotional help from my cousins(who are now close MASHALLAH) or friends(till that time hadn’t discovered this characteristic of friendship) so I used to talk to her a lot; I got attached & dependent on her completely.

After the first test of 12th took place followed by the same results, I gathered some courage & told my father that I am not much interested in engineering & I want to give other competitive exams as well.
The moment I feared the most came haunting in front me when he asked the inevitable question-“So what do you want to become? What have you planned?”  I stood there with a blank expression for 4-5 seconds, collected some oxygen took a deep breathe & said “NIFT (National Institute of Fashion Technology) or IHM (Institute of Hotel Management)”. These were the only 2 things that had triggered some interest in me at that time. Nobody in my family had any knowledge about these courses except my uncle who was a Hotel Management Graduate but he had also left the industry and he graduated way back in 1975 (many things had changed after that in India in this field). So the deal was done , i was decided that  either I get into any  government college offering any of these 2 courses or i would have to do Engineering / Architecture. There was also another condition which was- I would not be allowed to drop any year(It was because of my deteriorating reputation & also my parents knew i would definitely blow that year if i am allowed to drop; which was actually true). I was not completely sure of these 2 courses but I didn’t have many options.

Soon after my Half-Yearly Exams I suffered painful back injury while playing football & was advised to take bed rest for more than 8 weeks. My condition In Physics, Chemistry & maths was already bad , it became worse.

I still remember.. *to be contd*

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5 thoughts on “My Story – 2( Emotional Turmoil)

  1. The but is I studied unnecessarily too seriously for most of the part of my growing years…so by the time I entered in class XII boards..i studied for less hours, practised heal heartedly with little amount of focus..no wonder the scores were pathetic .

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  2. Wow! After all these years of friendship, reading this makes me feel like I barely know you. And do I respect you even more now? Yes! Because it takes courage to talk about yourself so honestly. But its relieving at the same time, isn’t it?
    You are so talkative, but always talking the trivial or the funny (atleast with me). But now I guess you really were introverted all along. We’re alike here, that we are cheerful, ‘at least’ on the surface, and we express better in writing. 🙂
    Love the blog, waiting for more! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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